politicalcanuck:

sprackraptor:

name-em-shame-em:

Even though I don’t think I’ve mentioned them before, chances are if you follow me, you know what I mean by Nice Guys. But just in case, I’ll give you a quick recap. These are the guys who are constantly bemoaning how women take them for granted. These are the guys who lament being put in the “friend zone.” Basically, these guys seem to believe that they deserve a woman simply because they are nice to her. Their nice behavior is generally within in area of driving a female friend to the airport. These men are the fraternal twins of men who think that if they pay for dinner, they deserve to get laid. 

And that’s it in a nutshell: deserving. Here’s the thing about giving your friend a ride to the airport: that’s just a thing that friends do for each other. It’s in the Friendship Clause. You drive me to the airport, I’ll walk your dog and at best the payment is an appreciatory beer. Not sex and certainly not a relationship. But don’t tell the nice guys that. Oh no, they deserve a nice, hot girl. They’ve earned it. They are entitled to it. 

Where does that entitlement come from? Well, the easy answer is that society has spend the past few thousand years treating woman as high end cattle. Sure, men don’t actually give fathers goats for women anymore (although my brother-in-law sent my dad a stuffed camel after he got engaged to my sister). But men still feel that they can buy women. Just a couple weeks ago, during the Superbowl there was an ad in which a seriously smoking hot, barely clad model told the men watching that Valentine’s Day isn’t so hard. Ask and you shall receive. Cue the flower arrangement that would make any girls clothes positively melt off. It’s not kindness, respect or good old fashioned sex appeal that gets you the girl: it’s that you earned her. 

But maybe I wasn’t around to witness it before, but the nice guy douche wad seems to have only arisen within the past twenty years or so. Remember Pretty In Pink? Molly Ringwald chose the rich hot guy over the sweet nice one. But that’s not what we see anymore. No, instead we are treated to a new relationship dynamic. And interestingly, more often then not it involves adults, not teenagers, who are married and having children and doing adult things. One of the greatest and longest lasting examples I can think of has been on our televisions for the past twenty-two years: The Simpsons. But other examples would be King of Queens, According to Jim, Knocked Up and to a lesser extent, Modern Family. 

We see it time and time again- the gorgeous, smart, capable woman is in a long lasting relationship with a total loser. Sure, she gets upset every now and then. But then her beloved schlub sweeps her off her feet by behaving like a decent human being. Look, I like Jonah Hill and have what I don’t consider at all irrational hatred of Katherine Hiegel, but dude did not deserve her. Homer is an alcoholic loser and Marge should have dumped his ass twenty-two years ago. Even on Modern Family, where both partners are attractive and flawed, time and time again we have Claire parenting Phil. 

So what does this say to male audiences? Hey, sit back, relax. Buy her some flowers, fix that broken stair and you will have earned yourself your very own supermodel. And on an unrelated yet equally disturbing note: she’ll be both your wife and your mother!

All of the above.

You know the worst thing is, there are smart, capable women who are in relationships with people where they are treated poorly, but the relationship is redeemed when the husband acts, briefly like a human being.

When the bar is set THAT LOW, your husband or significant other making you dinner (ONCE) can redeem the whole relationship for weeks or months.  And that is pretty depressing.

So the actual scenario has reality in it, but it’s not put in the context it deserves, it’s put in the “awww, look how charming he’s being!” structure instead.